Letting the Wound Heal

On Sunday evening Dan ended out relationship. Late Sunday afternoon he called to say that he wanted to come over and talk to me. This horrible chill immediately went through my body. A few hours later Dan stopped at my apartment and he said the things I was afraid he’d say. He tried to be kind and gentle about it. The visit lasted for about ten minutes.

As anyone who has ever read this silly blog would know, I’ve constantly had this feeling that Dan was not giving his all to our relationship. I’m not sure what the trouble was exactly. I’m not sure Dan knows. Maybe he did not feel altogether at home with me. It could be that I was just a little too goofy for him. I know that I will occasionally wander off of the proverbial beaten path. But anyway, I am not angry at Dan because there is no one to blame. I have experienced being the person who broke it off, and it is not easy, but if the relationship doesn’t feel right, there is no choice.

Though I am not angry, I can’t say that I am not hurting. Breaking up with someone is not personal, but then again, it is personal. I like Dan a lot. I guess I would have to say that I really fell for him. Fortunately we had a relationship that went on for a couple of months rather than a couple of years. If it had been a relationship that went on for a longer period, Dan would have been entrenched in both my life and in my heart, and I would really be devastated. As it is, I’m just kind of down, which is why I haven’t posted in several days.

But anyway, I am going to cease writing into my blog for a week or two. Whining now and then on the blog is okay, but I don’t want to post blog entries that are endlessly downbeat. I don’t want to compose such things, and I don’t want to post them, and I’m afraid that’s what would happen, at least for a while.

Above and beyond all things I am a pitiful romantic right to my core, so though I’m kind of down, I’m not out. In a month or so, when I am feeling better, maybe I’ll click onto my OKCupid account that I never closed, and do some exploring. Or it could be some male member at my fitness center will smile at me, say something wonderfully whimsical, and off I’ll go into another dopey infatuation. Or perhaps an ordinary nice guy will move into the vacant apartment across the parking lot and simply ask me about the neighborhood, and from that meeting a romantic spark will flicker. Who knows? Heck, maybe this unknown guy will be a nature-lover who not only likes popcorn, and dresses for comfort, but also knows a bluebird from a blue jay. He might even enjoy a woman who tends to be a bit daffy. I'm a starry-eyed romantic to the end.