Ten Days

Ten days ago my then-boyfriend, Dan, broke up with me. So I thought I might as well throw into my blog/diary what has gone on since; sort of chronicle my road to recovery, and end this blog entry with my thoughts on the subject.

Dan broke up with me on Sunday, the day before Labor Day. It did not cause me to miss a day of work but if Monday had not been a holiday I doubt I would have worked that day. I was really very down. In fact, for two days I all but quit eating. Given my regular diet of microwave food, popcorn, a salad now and then, and an occasional glass of wine, going hungry wasn’t an altogether bad thing. But the fact I did not feel like eating was not a good sign. However, during those few days I still visited my fitness center. In fact, I discovered that working out on an elliptical is very difficult when the caloric intake is about 200 calories a day. Over those two days I lost at least four pounds.

Then on Wednesday I went the other direction and had a two day period of gorging myself. One day I had for dinner a single serving pizza and a pint of cherry ice cream. Doing 30 minutes on an elliptical is a lot easier when there is about 3,000 calories of energy being scarfed down. I gained back the pounds. After four days, my emotional equilibrium had returned and so had my normal diet, such as it is.  

I think it was Saturday, six days after the break-up, when I performed a very typical Katie-like shenanigan, accompanying by some internal laughter. I was out bird watching in a park. I was inching backwards under a tree, trying to find a singing bird on the limbs overhead, when I backed into a low-hanging twig, causing it to poke me in the back of the head. For just a split second I must have thought it was a human finger. Startled, I sprang forward and let out a pretty good yelp, a yelp sufficiently audible to attract the attention of several people in the area. Of course I instantly realized that there was no finger and that I had acted like a nitwit. I quickly smiled at the people staring at me and shook my head to indicate that I was okay and the screech could be ignored. I then broke out into a giggle. I had not had a moment of laughter in six days and it not only felt good, but I it told me that I was much improved emotionally.

Last Monday, two days ago, I was driving home from work when I saw a nice-looking guy in a suit and tie standing on the corner up ahead, waiting to cross the street. I deliberately slowed down so I would catch the light and be forced to stop and watch him walk across the street in front of me. When the light turned green and I had driven on down the road, I realized exactly what I had done, and that my libido was clearly on the mend. The old Katie was reforming one ditzy piece at a time.

To me, there’s a big difference between love when compared to infatuation. There’s a big difference between love when compared to sexual desires. I never told Dan that I loved him. I don’t think I did love him, at least not yet. Still, to me he was really something special and so the breaking up was painful. I was in love with a guy a few years ago. That love died out slowly, over a month or so. It felt as though I were bleeding to death. I sometimes wonder if I could survive the sudden loss of a true love; a long-time soul mate. It’s a scary thought, but the fear of such a thing is not going to make me change my romantic pursuits one bit.