Sunday, June 30, 2013

7:12, And the Following Moments



It is now almost my bedtime. I’m out of the shower and not too far away from the moment I will set my alarm clock and climb into bed. But I still remember the beginning of my day. I awoke this morning shortly after 7 AM. I think the clock said 7:12 when I gave it my first bleary-eyed glance. That’s about my normal wake-up time for a weekend day. I rolled groggily to the edge of the bed, swung my feet to the floor, and for a time just sat there in a semi-fog, thinking about whatever might happen to come into my head.

The first thing that popped into my noggin concerned the weather and what I was going to wear for the day. I probably glanced in the direction of my bedroom window to get some clue, but to tell you the truth, I don’t remember for sure. I know that for a moment or two I thought about the previous day, my rendezvous with a nice guy I met through an internet dating website, and how in the end that meeting did not turn out to be all I had hoped it would be; the fault of no one.

I recall precisely what came into my head next. I imagined what it would be like if I were involved with a guy and the two of us were in such harmony that it would be as though we were not only reading each other’s minds, but agreeing with those thoughts. This man could have any name but this morning his name was Kevin. In this ditsy fantasy of mine there would come a time when I would mention to Kevin, “You know, I would love to someday visit Sequoia National Park in California, stay in their lodge, and for a few days wander the forest.”

Kevin’s eyes would twinkle with the mere thought of it and he’d enthusiastically answer, “Katie, I’ve never seen a sequoia tree. Let’s do it. Let’s go to California and see the sequoias.”

There could be a Sunday autumn afternoon when Kevin would want me to go with him to a Patriots’ gameday party attended by his friends and their spouses or significant others; a social event that would find me less than completely comfortable. I would grin and say, “Kevin, are you really sure you want me to go?”

Kevin would examine my face, a vague smile would slowly become his expression, and he would reply, “You really don’t want to go, do you Katie?”

I would grimace just a bit as I mutter, “Well, you know me; those parties are not really my thing. But I’m willing to go if you really want me to. I’m not trying to get out of it.”

Kevin would chuckle and quickly say, “Oh yes you are. Katie, that’s exactly what you are trying to do.” There would be a pause and then Kevin would add, “It’s too bad you have that dentist appointment this afternoon and can’t go to the party.”

For just a second I would be confused, and then I’d giggle and reply, “Yes, too bad. Did you know that he’s one of the few dentists who works on Sunday?”

This morning as I sat on the edge of the bed, I imagined this man, Kevin, lying behind me asleep in my bed, his body partially covered by a rumpled sheet. Suddenly he would stir out of his slumber, yawn, wish me a sleepy good morning, and then murmur, “Katie, why don’t we give ourselves a few minutes to get fully awake then take our turns in the bathroom, brush our teeth, and come back here and heat up this bedspread with a little physical passion. What do you say?”

A smile of anticipation would overtake my lips and I would answer, “Wow, believe it or not, I was thinking that very same thing.”     

Saturday, June 29, 2013

A Pleasant Time With Mike



This afternoon about 4 o’clock I met with a guy I first contacted through a dating website. We met at a popular food court. I guess it is highly recommended policy to meet at a public place for that kind of first meeting. His name is Mike and he was not only my first “internet date”, so to speak, it was also my first meeting with a previously unknown guy with the express purpose of exploring romantic possibilities. I have never been on a blind date or anything like that. Every man with whom I have spent time in any kind of romantic context I initially met for non-romantic reasons. I suppose that is why seeking, and meeting, a guy solely for romantic purposes strikes me as a little surreal. It does not seem in any way indecent or seedy, just a little surreal. Also, this afternoon I met a man who just by chance is the second “Mike” to come into my life in any sort of romantic situation. That seemed kind of weird too.  

By the middle of this afternoon I was more than a little nervous about the pending rendezvous. I started out this morning relatively calm and then became more stressed as the day went along. This afternoon I spent a half hour just selecting what I was going to wear. I spent close to fifteen minutes on my nails. I brushed my teeth, flossed, and then gargled - twice. Lastly, I inspected both nostrils for grossities. There's nothing much worse than an untidy nose. I was nervous, but it was a good nervous, a kind of excited nervous.

At this point in this blog entry I had written a couple of paragraphs describing the first moment of our meeting, and tidbits of our time together; what Mike and I talked about, and so forth, but although it was innocent stuff, I decided to delete all of it. That’s why this blog entry is so short, and it now seems disjointed. After giving it some thought, I have come to the conclusion that to go into any kind of detail concerning what we talked about would be a violation of trust and privacy. But this I can say; I had a wonderful time with Mike. He is really a great guy. But we both agreed by the end of the one+ hour we spent together that we were not going to spend the rest of our lives together in romantic bliss.

Human beings are a complicated species and Mike and I were not quite in tune with each other. But the afternoon was not a disappointment. I would not have written this blog entry if I had not enjoyed myself. I hope Mike does not think it was just a waste of his time, because it certainly was not a waste of my time. He may not have been my Mr. Right, and I may not have been Miss Right for him, but Mike is a good-natured guy, and as far as I’m concerned, spending time in pleasant company is never time wasted.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Internet Dating, i.e., Bizarro World



It's lunchtime and I've got the time to post something in my goofball blog. 

Okay, I first visited an internet dating website less than two weeks ago, creating my own profile page. After that, I did not know what to expect. My guess was that over the next weeks or even months I would receive a total of twenty or thirty messages, of which about a half a dozen would be thought out, serious inquiries. I’m referring to sincere messages containing more than a few words. I thought if I were lucky, a couple of these would pique my interest and would be truly promising. I could see myself gathering a bit of courage and writing favorable responses. Fact was; my plan was to write a polite response to every message that had any length, or clearly took a little effort to write. I thought I’d write something like; Hello. You seem like a really nice guy and I appreciate your interest, however I do not think we would be quite right for each other. But I’m sure that lady is not far off in your future. At that point I had not yet crossed into Bizarro World.

A day after making my page at the website CasualKiss, I was told that OKCupid might be better, so I decided I’d use that website too. After all, both were free. Just before I created my OKCupid page, I checked my CasualKiss account. I had about 15 “looks” and five messages. None of the messages were more than a short sentence, but I figured it was very early in the process. I was sufficiently excited to write about it as a short, silly entry in my blog. I then went ahead and created an OKCupid account. I submitted all the standard information, downloaded some photos, and answered about two dozen additional profile questions. It was actually kind of fun.

The next day I went to my CasualKiss profile page. I had three more messages. One of the messages was a couple of sentences in length. He seemed like a nice guy, but he was only 21 years old. Still, things were looking up. I then went to my OKCupid account, which was less than 24 hours old at the time. To my complete and utter shock, I had received 57 messages. Fifty-seven! I was traumatized, literally. I frantically clicked off the page. When just being off the website did not seem good enough, I shut down my computer. I then just sat there for about five minutes staring at my dark monitor. I had found the gates of Bizarro World.

A while later, when I had regained my senses, I turned on the computer and clicked onto my OKCupid account. I started reading some of the messages. Over the course of about an hour I made it through about twenty or so. Most of the messages were short. Some were just “Hi”, but others went for several paragraphs. The thing was; while reading the messages, I would receive new ones. My total message count was getting up near 80.

A couple of days later, last Saturday, I figured I needed a method to sort through the messages, so I decided to read the longer messages and if they seemed promising, put them into a “possibility” pile. Those messages would get a second look. I was searching for the guy who found me interesting as a person, and in return, I found him interesting too. By Saturday evening I had seven messages in my “possibility” pile. I need to say that through this entire process I remained in a state of shock and bewilderment. I had never felt so popular in my life. I was truly inside the realm of Bizarro World.

On Sunday I went out on a hike, just to get away for a while and clear my head. On Sunday evening I looked at a few more messages. On Monday I decided I would write in my blog about the coyote I saw the previous day, and how it reminded me of the first coyote I ever saw five years ago. While at my blog I noticed that I had two comments posted a few days apart that were from the same guy. I recognized him at once. He had sent me a lengthy, funny yet sweetly romantic message at OKCupid, a message that I had placed in my “possibility” pile. Within the comment he had written under my blog was a link to a song at Youtube. I decided to give it a listen. It was a simple, 19th Century piano piece called The Girl With the Flaxen Hair. Thirty seconds into the music I was a mess… okay, yes, I had started to cry.

Now, a few days later, I sort of feel like an idiot. I say that because I am just too gullible for a humorous, charming letter and a sweet song. The combination made my rational thinking go right out the window. I guess that’s okay every once in a while, just as long as I don’t make it a habit. Anyway, his name is Mike. We messaged back and forth for a day, and then a day later we talked on the phone for over an hour. He is funny and pleasant with a nice voice. On Saturday we are going to meet in a public place and see how it goes. I am very nervous but I mostly feel sorry for Mike. He is going to be my first internet dating website guinea pig, poor guy.

There’s no doubt about it; internet dating is a strange thing. It is truly a trip through Bizarro World, especially if you are a painfully naive person concerning those things. I know just such a person. She is writing this sentence.            

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Supposed Tos



Yesterday I was talking about the upcoming Boston Bruin hockey game (a heartbreaking affair, by the way) with a coworker. I told her that I had made sure that I had an adequate supply of popcorn on hand. She asked me with whom I was watching the game. I smiled and told her that win or lose, I was on my own. She then released a sigh and asked me in this melancholy voice why I was not yet married.

I get that type of thing a lot. About a month ago I was told that I ought to be thinking about getting married and starting a family. I don’t really mind these observations and/or pieces of advice. It means that someone is concerned and is giving my life some thought. But believe it or not; I actually give my life some thought too. It’s true. It may not look like it, given my circumstances, but yes, I do give my life some pondering from time to time. I must have joined two online dating websites for some reason, right?

The bigger the life-altering circumstance being considered, the more thought I put to it. For example; a couple of years ago I contemplated getting a tattoo. I mentioned it to my workplace supervisor and he informed me that before getting a tattoo at age 23, I should first stop and realize that it is very possible that I might live beyond the age of 35, maybe even 40, and tattoos do not wash off. He went into no more detail than that, but it turned out that was enough. After giving it some thought, I figured out what he was saying. Today I am tattooless.

There are a few undertakings that our culture almost insists on. One of the biggies is marriage. Personally, I’m not that big on marriage. It’s not that I’m some crazy radical; it’s just that the thought of it doesn’t blow me away. I do like the idea of a committed, loving relationship; it’s the traditional marriage part that has me concerned.

I had an aunt say only slightly in gest that I ought to go find myself a doctor to marry. She strongly recommended cardiologists over ordinary MDs. If no doctor were available, it would be okay to settle for a corporate executive. She was only half joking.   

The notion of kids doesn’t do a lot for me either. I can’t even whisper that position to a number of friends and family. They would think I’m crazy, after all, I’m supposed to want, and have children. This might seem nutty, but what I’m waiting for is the actual desire to have children. When I truly want children, then I’ll, well, want children. But until then, I’m kind of in the mindset where I’ll take a pass. It’s not like the human species is an endangered animal and I’m mankind’s last hope.

My mind can be changed on anything. I’m not an incredibly stubborn person. It might take some doing, but changing my mind is certainly possible. And I would be willing to accede to a significant other without too much of a fuss. But if someone were to say, “Katie, you’re supposed to…” well, that’s not going to do it. 

Monday, June 24, 2013

Coyotes and Katie



I was out hiking Sunday when I saw a coyote. He was not right in front of me so I’m only pretty sure that he was a coyote, but in my world, “pretty sure” is good enough. He was on the edge of a field near some wooded area a few hundred yards away. He was stalking the high grass for anything that moved. I did not see him catch anything, but he sure was working on it. A minute later he darted into the woods and out of sight.

I have seen a couple of coyotes in my life, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen one east of the Mississippi. For as often as I’m outside wandering around parks and wooded areas, I think it is a little surprising that I have not spotted a coyote in Massachusetts up until yesterday. Supposedly there is a pretty good population in all of New England.

The first coyote I ever saw makes for a mundane, boring story, which means it is exciting enough for this blog. It took place about five years ago. I was with my boyfriend at the time, Mike, and we had just visited the Ancient Bristlecone Pine area in eastern California, in the Sierras. We were driving along this small but paved road, out in the middle of nowhere, headed east towards the Nevada border, when we came along an old grave not far off the road, on the side of a small hill. The grave had a weathered, wooden grave marker, and was surrounded by a heavy, rusted steel fence that could have been 100 years old. It was very photogenic. I asked Mike to stop, that I wanted to take a picture.

With camera in hand, I hopped out of the car, bound for the grave, but just before I got there, a coyote came over the crest of the hill right in front of me. When we encountered each other, we both instantly froze in our steps. We could not have been any more than about fifteen feet apart. He was a gristly looking thing. His gray fur was thin and sparse, and as I recall, part of one ear was missing. We stared at each other for a good five seconds when I realized that he wasn’t going to attack me. I then stuck out a hand in a rather odd gesture of friendship, and murmured, “Hello there fella.” That was all it took. Off went the coyote in the opposite direction, probably half scared to death of this crazy human person.

Afterwards I was kicking myself for not taking his picture, but I had completely forgotten that the camera was in my hand. In fact, I never took a photo of the grave either. I was so excited that I hurried back to the car hoping that Mike would have a few extra thoughts on his witnessing my wild animal encounter, but of course he had been playing with the car radio and had seen nothing. When I excitedly described to him that I had been face-to-face with a coyote, he smiled and said, “That’s great Katie. Did you see a road runner too?” Geez.