Relationship Advice, and Subsequent Thoughts

Enough time as passed since the end of my relationship with Marty, people are starting to give me some relationship advice. My friend at work seems to be under the opinion that I've been getting pretty much what I am asking for over the last year or so, given I live in a somewhat affluent part of American society. In short; I can’t expect to get into a committed relationship without being expected for it to end in a traditional marriage. That is not to say that having a lifetime spent with one “male adult playmate”, as I have been accused of wanting, is completely impossible, it just isn't something that I should anticipate. It isn't realistic. Guys, and for that matter women too, eventually need to hear an official, legally binding vow, probably followed by family life.   

I am actually willing to do that… well, some of it. I am willing to commit to someone in a legal ceremony but it would probably have to be understood that the life after the ceremony would be on my terms. It’s not as selfish as it sounds. I would want that life to be under our terms, given that the poor, unfortunate guy would be of the same mindset long before the ceremony ever took place.

Those terms would be that children are at this point not part of the bargain. In the future; maybe, but for the foreseeable future; no. Also, I like the idea of having plenty of myspace with the understanding that it is a committed, monogamous relationship. I also am willing to give plenty of myspace (or is that "theirspace"?). In fact, I think that my giving guys plenty of space may bother some of them a little. I think many prefer some rather restrictive parameters. I am reminded of a dog that escapes out the backyard gate and gets a bit worried when its owner does not immediate pursue him.

Anyway, if I do not spend my life with one guy who fits my criteria, that’s okay. I would prefer a lifetime partner but if it comes to having a thoughtful, caring guy for something less than a lifetime, even just several months, I can live with that. My relationship with Marty ended a few months ago and though the ending was painful, I have never regretted my getting into it.    

I have actually gone to Okcupid a few times in the last week or so, checking in at my account page after completely forgetting about it for many months. I have received some recent messages but I have not responded to any. To be honest, I seem content at least for now to look at the photos of guys and read the few words they have to say. Apparently my romantic instincts, and my libido, though a bit traumatized, remain whole.  

Out On the Course

I had a relationship end not too long ago and I have been kind of down in the dumps lately. I think everyone who knows me can see it, my parents being no exception. I think it was last Sunday my father called me and asked me if I wanted to take a day off work and be his caddie as he and some of his buddies were going to go golfing. I figured; why not?

So off we went to the course, my father and me to meet up with his friends and play a round of golf. On the drive out, my dad gave me a few brief instructions. He told me that I probably should try to keep up with the group rather than go off bird watching, and that I should try to see where the golf balls land. Dad told me that he isn't much of a player and all he would try to do is hit the ball straight, and hopefully lose as few balls as possible.

It turned out that I was the only female in the group, and the only caddie -if that's what you want to call me. About 10:30 this group totaling about eight guys gather on the first hole to tee off. Plus there were a number of other golfers waiting their turn who were looking on, so there was a crowd of perhaps 25 onlookers.

The first two men hit the ball pretty good. Then came the third guy in our group to tee off, I think his name was Ed. He stood over the ball preparing to hit it and everyone fell silent. You could see the concentration in his eyes as he stared down at the ball. Finally he started the club into his back swing and took a might swat at the ball. He must have hit only the very tiptop of the golf ball because the ball just trickled off the little wooden tee and rolled forward no more than about two feet.

It was as though Ed had hit the ball a mile. Though the ball was still right at his feet, he humorously stayed in this follow-through position. Everyone stayed silent. Finally I felt compelled to state the obvious, "It's not hit far, but you hit it straight." Everyone cracked up laughing, including, and perhaps especially Ed.

My father just called me to tell me that my comment was one of the high points of the day, and the next time this group goes out golfing, I have an open invitation to come along.

So apparently I'm quite a caddie, and oh and by the way; I saw an indigo bunting.