Why Am I Complaining... Again!?

I know I should not be complaining. Dan, my boyfriend, is a great guy. A few days ago I had a little road rage incident and I was a bit distraught over it. Looking for some solace, I called Dan while he was out on a job. He stopped what he was doing and listened to me until I was done. He did not tell me that he would call me back later when he wasn’t busy. He stopped what he was doing right then to console me. What guy does that? I loved him for it too.

Dan always listens to me, or at least if he isn’t listening, he acts like he is well enough so that I can’t tell. He lets me jabber about all kinds of stuff. And he can be both very funny and insightful. He is aware of the little things around him. He has a uniqueness that I liked from the beginning.

I am no expert but I think he is a very good at lovemaking. He is tender and considerate towards my needs, sometimes almost to a fault. And when the moment calls for it, he can be humorous, even in an instant of passion.

My only wish is that Dan would let me into his inner self. There is something there that he is not giving to me. He keeps himself at arm’s length just slightly, just a bit too much, enough that I am writing about it in my goofy blog for the second time. I know that people give their hearts at different speeds as a relationship goes along. I have thought about it and I gave Dan about one fourth of my heart after a week or so, and with each passing week I have been entrusting in him a bit more of it. I hate to sound analytic, but I too often feel that I am alone in this endeavor.

I know Dan likes me a lot, and he respects me. I just wish that someday he would pull me onto his lap, wrap his arms around me and whisper warmhearted words that originating not from his brain, but from his inner self, words intended to be heard by my inner self. People give of themselves at different speeds. It could be that Dan is just cautious.  

I know that I am kind of a silly goofball. I’ve never been a person who goes to clubs. I prefer simple ways. I enjoy the openness of nature. I’m a bird watcher. I know most of the local butterfly species with one glance at their wing patterns. And I have some unusual notions as to what I want from life. I am well-aware that I have some nuttiness. At times I wonder if I might not be too nutty for Dan. 

Maybe down the road months, or even years from now, after I will have been given the entire Dan, I will show him this blog entry and he will chuckle and say, "Well of course I was hesitant to dive in completely. Katie, your wackiness scared the hell out of me." Then he will kiss me to show just how much he loves me and the wackiness.