Roaming Thoughts

Warning; adult paragraph follows…

Last night my boyfriend, Marty, and I “did it”. Sometimes I wonder how many times we've done it the last few months. I occasionally wish I had kept track from the beginning, just for my own amusement. I’d guess it is somewhere around 50. Last night was unique in that I climaxed twice about five minutes apart. The first one I was the rider. Then we rolled over so Marty was doing the riding. A minute or so after he got on top I had climax #2. Immediately following my second one, Marty asked me if I had just “double-up”. I giggled and told him that I did; as if he could not tell. We have both figured out that it is safer for Marty if I climax while on top. With my hands somewhat unavailable in that position, I’m less likely to go a little wild and unwittingly claw or scratch him, which I have done on occasion. But we both know that I’m not about to hold back if I’m on the bottom with my hands on Marty and I feel one coming on. Last night Marty escaped unscathed, at least as far as I know.      

Okay, this might sound totally crazy given that first paragraph, but I actually kind of miss the days when I was not preoccupied with sex, and for that matter, preoccupied with Marty himself. I go through my days just a little more wound-up than I used to. I’ll bet that my resting pulse is a beat or two faster than it was in the days before I met Marty. Of course I know this craving will subside. It better subside or I will be dead from exhaustion within six months.   

I’m an outdoorsy, nature-lover. Last winter I made a special trip out to see how the deer were handling the winter. I had wondered if they were near the starvation point and had resorted to eating bark off of trees. Deer will sometimes do that as a last resort when the food supply has vanished. One afternoon last winter I had an enjoyable time when I spent several hours following what I believed to be fox tracks in the snow. This winter those sorts of activities have barely passed through my thoughts. But really, I miss doing those kinds of things. I guess that's what I really want to say.

On the other end of the spectrum; my feelings for Marty are growing ever deeper. A few days ago I was at working, drinking a cup of coffee, when I acknowledged to myself that I have become emotionally attached to him. I began wondering what it would be like without Marty in my life. I know that I would miss him profoundly. It would be a difficult loss.

I have never told either Marty, or myself, that I love him. I think the time might be coming when I will be telling both of us. Maybe I'll tell him sometime when we are out on a secluded nature trail. I'll just babble it out. What better place to do such a thing than out in a forest.