A Slight Imperfection Surfaces At Work

It is now somewhere around the middle of the afternoon on this, a Friday. I am home now from work because a few hours ago I had an anxiety attack while at my desk. I occasionally get these attacks and one thing I can say about them is that they are no fun. This is my first workplace anxiety attack ever. I was actually unsure if I could get an anxiety attack while at work but apparently I can. I thought that perhaps my mind would be too preoccupied while at work to get an attack but even at work a variety of moods, thoughts, and emotions go through a person's mind, and that is all that's necessary to trigger an episode to someone who has a mental disorder making them prone to panic attacks.

On a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being the worst, this panic attack rated about a 4. There were several people who witnessed the attack and could see that I was in psychological distress. Beth, a coworker, suggests that she call 911 but I told her that it wasn't necessary and that if I could be left alone for a half hour or so the attack would pass and I'd be okay.

As I had figured, the attack lasted about a 20 minutes or so. Even after the attack subsided there was still a kind of "shadow" of the attack still lingering, so I decided to take the rest of the day off and relax. Apparently part of my relaxing is writing into this nitwit blog.

I appreciate Beth's concern but the look on her face was one of alarm. I made one visit to a psychologist about five years ago and she assured me that I was handling the attacks correctly. She even suggested that if possible I could talk to myself in a reassuring manner during the attack. The psychologist informed me that there are presentations of anxiety disorders that can be completely disabling. She also told me that if she and I happened to meet in a public place, that she would not acknowledge me due to the stigma of even relatively mild mental disorders. I found that unsettling in and of itself.

I think come Monday I will hold a seminar with a few of my coworkers concerning my rather insignificant disorder; I am Katie and you all know me but what you did not know was that I have a mild, almost trivial mental disorder, so trivial that 99.9% of the time the person standing next to me cannot detect it. In fact, 98.9% of the time, even I can't detect it.