My Scar of Egotism

I sit here slightly annoyed. I am going to have to buy a new swimsuit. I recently had an appendectomy and the not-so-pretty pink scar is not hidden under my relatively small two-piece swimsuit. I know it is not hidden because I just checked. In time, perhaps a year or so, the scar will shrink, and although it will never completely disappear, it will become less fresh-looking. But for right now, it reminds me of a small, unsmiling upper lip attached to the right side of my abdomen. 

Anyway, I am partly annoyed because I bought the swimsuit last August, so it is really almost new, but mostly I am annoyed because it bothers me that I am so vain as to need a new swimsuit just because the old one does not hide a scar. I am 28 years-old. Maybe it is time I dismiss some of this adolescent self-absorption. If nothing else, it would save me some money.

What’s more, Marty, my boyfriend, swears he actually likes the scar. He thinks it is kind of sexy. Heck, sometimes before intimacy he will lightly, sensually stroke the pinkish raised area with his fingertips. So he is probably being truthful, at least truthful in so far as that is what he thinks about the scar. Still, I do not like the looks of it, and it is my body. 

I have not worn a one-piece bathing suit in a long time. In fact, I do not know when that time was. I must have been about 13 or 14 years-old. It might seem almost nostalgic to put one on again. Maybe the feelings of nostalgia will help hide the guilt for having misplaced feelings of vanity. Who am I kidding? No, putting on a one-piece swimsuit might seem kind of quaint, and it will definitely cover a scar, but it will not hide the totally idiotic egotism. Unfortunately, nothing can do that.